


What We Deserve

by Petrichora_Vellichor



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Adam Milligan Lives, Adam Milligan/Michael First Kiss, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode Fix-It: s15e19 Inherit the Earth, First Kiss, Love Confessions, M/M, Michael lives, POV Adam Milligan, Sam is a supportive brother
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:13:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28082223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Petrichora_Vellichor/pseuds/Petrichora_Vellichor
Summary: After helping the Winchesters defeat Chuck, Michael avoids Adam until one day, Adam seeks him out; OR, the soft epilogue these two deserved, damn it.
Relationships: Michael/Adam Milligan, minor Adam Milligan & Sam Winchester
Comments: 18
Kudos: 117





	What We Deserve

**Author's Note:**

> As usual, endless thanks to Fearauko for beta-ing. 💙

In the days after his brothers beat God, Adam tried many times to talk to Michael, only to have Michael push him away. 

“Leave me,” he said finally, not meeting Adam’s eyes. “I don’t...I wish to be alone.” Then he vanished to some far corner of Adam’s mind, and nothing Adam said made any difference.

“I’m worried about him,” he confided to Sam, after two weeks of radio silence. “I know he’s still there; I can _feel_ him.” Adam sighed, leaning back against the park bench he and Sam were sitting on. “He just won’t _talk_ to me.”

“Maybe he just needs some space,” Sam offered gently. “What he did, standing up to his dad like that, watching Jack drain Chuck’s powers, it couldn’t have been easy. He’s probably still trying to process it.” A beat, then: “Has he said anything about going back to Heaven?”

Adam shook his head. “No, not since I got back. He’s hardly said anything, and it’s...” he hesitated, weighing various words and eventually opting for, “weird. For the longest time, we only had each other, and now it’s like I’m a stranger to him. It just doesn’t make sense, you know?”

He knew, of course, that Sam _didn’t_ know, not really. How could he? No one who hadn’t spent the Earth equivalent of over a thousand years locked inside their own mind with only one other being for company could even begin to understand what it was like to suddenly feel like half a person when said being went quiet. 

Still, he also knew that Sam was trying. He’d made a point to keep up regular contact with Adam since Jack had brought everyone back, as had Dean; but whereas Dean was usually keen to avoid acknowledging the proverbial archangel-shaped elephant in the room, Sam, at least, had been willing to listen. It didn’t fix what was broken between them, not by a longshot; but for now, at least, Adam just wanted to move forward as best he could with the family he had left, even if things were complicated.

“You know him best,” Sam said finally, “and from what I saw that time at the Bunker, you can get through to him even when he’s done listening to everyone else, so...just keep trying, I guess, and see what happens. Hopefully, he’ll come around.”

When nearly another week had passed with not even a mental peep from Michael, however, Adam decided that enough was enough. Michael could yell at him if he wanted to, but Adam would make him do it to his face...or at least, to his brain’s manifestation of his face. He lay down on his motel bed and closed his eyes, focusing carefully until he found the part of his mind that wasn’t quite his own and leaning into it.

Suddenly, he was standing in the woods at sunset, pine trees stretched tall on either side and a crystal lake sparkling in front of him. Adam surveyed the area curiously, wondering what made the place so significant that Michael would seek it out, when suddenly his eyes lit upon scorch marks and the remnants of some sort of spell, and the pieces clicked together: this must be the clearing where Michael had joined Sam and Dean in their final battle against Chuck. 

No sooner had the realization occurred to him than he spotted a lone figure by the lakeshore; it was Michael. He was sitting on the ground, looking small and almost human-like with his knees pulled up against his chest, his back to Adam as he stared out over the water, apparently lost in thought. Adam took a deep breath, steeling his nerves for what he was pretty sure was going to be an argument, and headed over.

“Hey, Michael?” he called softly as he drew near. “Are you okay?”

Michael turned to look over his shoulder. Adam had been prepared for annoyance, even anger; what he hadn’t expected was anguish. Michael’s eyes were red rimmed and watery, and the gilded glow of dusk made shimmers of his tears; he looked, if not broken, just about to break. “I told you,” Michael said, voice rough and raw, “to leave me alone.”

For a moment, Adam wondered if he should. His goal had been to make sure Michael was all right, not to intrude upon a moment of private grief. And yet, now that he’d actually _seen_ Michael, the thought of leaving him in his current state was not only unconscionable but downright unthinkable. Adam shook his head and continued forward, determined. “No,” he said, taking a seat on the ground at Michael’s side. “You’ve been avoiding me for weeks, and I’ve had enough. You don’t have to talk to me if you don’t want to; we can just sit here.” He met Michael’s gaze and continued, more gently, “But I’m done leaving you alone. Got it?”

Michael stared at him, expression unreadable; then he nodded slowly, turning back to look out at the lake. 

They sat in silence for what felt like hours, till the last of the pink and gold light had faded and the sky became a star-splashed indigo lit by a silvery moon. Adam’s eyelids grew heavy in the stillness, and he was just shy of falling asleep when:

“It wasn’t supposed to end like this.”

Adam started, eyes snapping open; he turned to look at Michael and saw the other staring forward as though in a daze. “What wasn’t?” Adam asked.

The corner of Michael’s lips twitched up in a mirthless smile. “Everything. I was supposed to defeat my brother, and my Father was supposed to usher in a new age of Paradise. Instead, He…” Michael trailed off, looked down at his hands, and repeated, “It wasn’t supposed to end like this.”

Adam hesitated, then scooted sideways till their arms were touching. Michael glanced up, apparently surprised by the sudden contact, but he didn’t pull away; Adam took that as a sign to continue. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I mean, I’m not sorry the world didn’t end, but the part with your dad...I know what it’s like to get screwed over by family. It sucks. Like, a lot. And I just...I’m sorry.” He didn’t know what else to say, so instead, he wrapped an arm around Michael’s shoulders, hoping the touch would do what words couldn’t. 

He felt Michael stiffen, and for a split second, Adam worried he’d overstepped; but just as he was about to pull away, Michael relaxed against him with a quiet sigh. “Thank you,” said Michael softly. “This is...Thank you.”

Adam shrugged, grateful for the pale wash of moonlight; the blush he could feel would be painfully obvious otherwise. “Yeah,” he managed. “Of course. You’re welcome. It’s what friends are for.”

Michael looked at him strangely then, and Adam got the distinct impression he’d caught Michael by surprise. “You would have me as a...friend?” 

_I would have you as anything_ , thought Adam, _just as long as I get to have you._ “Well, yeah,” he said instead, managing a weak smile. “You’re kinda the only one I’ve got.”

Michael studied him, brow still furrowed slightly, as though Adam were a puzzle he couldn’t quite solve. Then, before Adam realized what was happening, Michael leaned over and pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead. A tingling warmth spread throughout Adam’s entire body, and he gasped. Michael pulled back at the sound, eyes wide with concern. “Was that...unwelcome?”

Adam shook his head. “No,” he said quickly. “No, it’s just...you surprised me, is all. It was nice.” He tried to will his heartbeat down to a more reasonable rate, reminding himself that it wasn’t like he was an expert on angel behavior. After all, he really only knew Michael, and he’d only seen him interact with other angels during moments of battle. For all Adam knew, forehead kissing was just something angels did with their friends, and it wasn’t a big deal. 

Thankfully, Michael just nodded, seeming to accept Adam’s words at face value. “Good,” he said, sounding like he meant it; and then he lay back against the ground, folding his arms behind his head to gaze up at the stars. Adam hesitated, part of him wanting to bid Michael goodnight and get the hell out of there while he still had at least some of his dignity intact, but instead he found himself copying Michael’s pose, leaning back until they lay next to each other like two parallel lines. 

For a long time, they were silent. Adam pondered the night sky, nearly forgetting that they were still in his head as he picked out familiar constellations. He wondered if Michael had been there when the originals were made, or if maybe Michael had made the originals himself. He was about to ask when he heard Michael say softly, almost as though he were thinking aloud, “Did I do the right thing?”

Adam glanced over, not sure what Michael was talking about. “What do you mean?”

“With God.” Michael looked at him, expression laced with doubt and something else Michael couldn’t quite read. “How do I know the choice I made was the right one?”

Adam shifted onto his side to face Michael fully. “Do you regret it?”

“No. But neither did my Father regret the choices he made.”

“No, but I’ll bet he never questioned them, either.”

Michael was quiet for a moment, considering. “No,” he agreed at last, “I don’t think he did.”

“He chose to send everyone in the world away. You chose to stand against him to bring them back. Billions of people are alive because of you. It was the right call.” 

For several seconds, Michael didn’t respond, and Adam thought their conversation was over; then, in a voice so quiet Adam nearly missed it: “That isn’t why I did it.”

Adam frowned. “It isn’t? I...What do you mean?”

Michael sighed; he rolled to his side so their bodies mirrored each other, gazing at Adam intently. “I told you, that day in the Bunker, that though you and I had been together for years, my Father and I had been together for eternity, and as such, He would always take precedence over you.”

Adam nodded, biting his lip against the sudden hurt in his chest. He remembered the exchange vividly; Michael’s words had hit him like a slap to the face. It wasn’t exactly a novel sensation, being made to feel he wasn’t good enough. His father hadn’t been there for him growing up, and his brothers had left him to rot in Hell for over a decade. Even Michael had only chosen him because Dean had been unavailable. Adam knew that, he knew all of it, and yet...and yet somewhere between falling into Hell and walking out of it, he’d let himself start to think that maybe, just maybe, he actually _mattered_ to someone for once. Michael could have left him the moment they were free, but he’d chosen to stay, and Adam...he’d wanted to believe that had meant something, but apparently it hadn’t. He’d been—

“I was wrong,” said Michael, softly, and Adam almost forgot how to breathe; it took him a moment to find his voice. 

“You...were?”

“Yes.” Michael looked down. “I—You must understand: for as long as I had existed, my loyalty—my undying loyalty—had been to my Father. He gave me orders and I obeyed them without question, because to question them would have been to question Him, and to question Him would have been to question everything. And so when Castiel...when he showed me what God truly was, for the first time in my life, I was lost. Heaven was in shambles. My brothers were dead. My Father had...used me; he’d taken everything from me. I was angry. I gave your brother and Castiel the spell to bind Him because I was angry, and when they failed, I avoided them because I was angry. All I had left, all I _knew_ , was you.” Michael hesitated, and when he spoke again, his voice was heavy with pain: “And then He took you away as well. For the first time in over a thousand years, I was completely alone, and...and it was the most incomplete I’d ever felt, and I didn’t know what it meant.”

Adam swallowed; he didn’t know what to say, could only stare. 

Michael continued without looking up: “And so when your brothers found me again, I decided to help them, not out of anger or because I cared about the rest of the world, but because it was what you’d asked of me when your brothers first came to us, only I hadn’t listened, not fully. I knew that to stand in open defiance against my Father was to very likely forfeit my own life, but I didn’t care, because it didn’t matter. Nothing did, except you, and the chance, however small, that I might get you back. _That_ is why I chose as I did, and I don’t regret it, not at all, and…” Michael finally met Adam’s gaze, fresh tears in his eyes and something akin to terror on his face, “and I don’t know what that means.”

By then, Adam’s face was wet with tears of his own, but he didn’t care, because what Michael was saying...Adam _did_ matter to him, had mattered more than _God_. And maybe Michael didn't know what that meant, but…

Adam shifted forward, closing the distance between them. “I think I do,” he whispered, and before he could talk himself out of it, he pressed a quick, chaste kiss to Michael's lips, hoping desperately that he hadn’t misread the situation. When he pulled back, Michael's eyes were wide, and oh God, Adam wanted to shrivel up on the spot. He opened his mouth to apologize...but before he could, Michael was kissing _him_ , and it was so slow and deep and _reverent_ that Adam felt sure he'd have floated away if Michael’s arms hadn’t held him firmly in place.

When at last they pulled apart, Michael was gazing back at him in open wonder. “You...I’ve never...What _is_ this?” he asked, voice tinged with awe.

Adam let out a soft laugh, trying to catch his breath. He reached up to cup Michael’s cheek. “It’s me saying I choose you, too. I thought there was no way you could ever want me like this, but if you do—”

“I do." Michael's hand came up to caress Adam's cheek in return. “More than I’ve ever wanted anything.”

“Then you’ll stay?” Adam whispered, and Michael nodded, leaning forward to rest their foreheads together. 

“Yes,” he murmured solemnly. “Yes, I will stay. Where you go, I will go; and where you lodge, I will lodge. Your people shall be my people.” He pressed a careful kiss to the corner of Adam’s mouth, adding, “And your love, my love.” Then he kissed Adam again, soft and achingly tender, wrapping his arms around Adam’s waist and pulling him close till they were pressed together from head to toe, and it was impossible to say where one ended and the other began.

And Adam loved him, _God_ did he love him, because Michael was comfort and safety and _home_. For the first time in a long time, Adam felt home; he felt _loved_. And he'd never feel like half a person again.

**Author's Note:**

> The last part of Michael's dialogue is an adaptation of Ruth 1:16: "But Ruth said, 'Do not urge me to leave you or to return from following you. **For where you go, I will go; and where you lodge, I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God.** '"
> 
> Michael, wayward archangel that he is, replaces "God" with "love." 💙


End file.
